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For the Guys Who Don’t Work Out. (A 400-word Rant.)

Let's get one thing clear: I am not a meathead. Not in the way you think of it anyway.

I understand you're confused; I don't blame you. I know I kinda look like that muscular guy at your gym who grunts, slams the weights, and scowls. The gym is filled with meatheads like that, guys whose lives revolve around their insecurity. They feel small inside so they have to project bigness. They're the dwarf behind the curtain, all fake confidence and loud noise, walking dicks with no balls. They're boys who haven't become men yet.

I'm not going to bullshit you: I'm in the gym for some of the same reasons they are. I want a powerful, good-looking body because it makes me feel, well, powerful and good-looking. But you gotta understand the gym doesn’t define me. I am not my broad shoulders. I am not my six-pack. I am not my freakin' biceps.

I don't say stupid shit like, “Have you seen the weight room?” while flexing my arms. I don't know how to bounce my chest like a male stripper. I will not fuss and bitch if my girlfriend's parents serve me high-carb pasta for dinner; I'll eat it and thank them for the meal.

Meatheads like to tell you they work out. I don't. One look at my body and you'll know I don't sit on my ass and eat Little Debbie snack-cakes for fun. I'm not here to impress you or make you feel bad for your dietary or fitness decisions. You can do what you like.

I lift weights, eat healthy food, and nourish my body not out of some sense of guilt or vanity (at least not all the time), but because it's the one thing I can control. I own my body. Take away my stuff, my friends, my job, my family, and I still have it. My body is my vehicle to go places I want to go and do things I want to do.

And because I take care of it, it'll take care of me. It won't fail on me early. It'll combat sickness and recover quickly. It'll make tasks you find hard easy for me. It'll fill out a t-shirt and jeans and maybe attract a girl or two.

But the most important task my body performs is carrying around my brain. Try to get a meathead to tell you that.


Why do YOU lift weights and eat healthy food?